A Sudden Page Break

It is a cold dank day with the sky the color of a soiled mop. Dark pregnant clouds threaten to break, and my phone dings with a mandatory in-person meeting notification from the boss, ruining my work from home plans. I rush to office and huff my way into the designated meeting room. It has been ages I have been here, so not much can jolt me; except maybe a 15-minute meeting with the boss with the HR leader gatecrashing said meeting.  

The boss starts with extolling my performance, talking about how I am a valued member of the team. The HR leader nods assent. My brain is addled- why does this sound like a farewell speech!  The boss goes on to say that there is a restructure, and my services are no longer required by the organization. I hear a buzz of words like exit compensation, last working day, paperwork, blah and blah, but my ears and brain have already shut down. A range of feelings whizz through me- anger, hurt, fear and of course the inevitable ‘why me’.

I bring myself back to the conversation and act rational. I shake hands, commit to a seamless exit and go back to my seat (is it my seat?). I look around and miles and miles of agile sterile workstations stare back at me. No trophies of achievement, no family photos, no personal knick-knacks adorn any desk unlike the yester years. This design of the modern workplace inhibits any sense of belonging. Maybe as emotional insurance for situations like this!

I still keep wondering ‘why me.’ Is it karma? I had laid off many people in my earlier role. Is it divine retribution? Last year I had declined a job offer just days before the due joining date. Or is it my tragic luck? I just happened to be in a role that was slated to be cut off.

I take my personal data before handing my laptop and accessories to IT. Someone hands me a bag as I clean out my locker. I am surprised at how little it houses- a water-bottle, a couple of notebooks and a jacket for times the AC blasts at sub-zero temperature. Some colleagues offer help in my job search. Some just avoid meeting my eyes. I hand my ID card to the admin person and walk out.

I wait for someone to swipe me out of the office. Today had started as a cold dank day with the sky the color of a soiled mop. As the doors close behind me, the turnaround of the weather catches me by surprise, and I step out to an infinite stretch of clear sky.